So yesterday me and some bros went to Campus Crusades for Christ and man I tell you I felt weird. the whole time when planning to go there all i could think about was "i wonder how many people are just coming to come tonight?" and while i was there i continued thinking about it and even started to think about my Christian walk and comparing to other people in the room.
Wow! i mean can you believe it I was the person that I was looking for.
I was singing a song in the middle of the service and that is when i had that little epiphany. I was singing a song and until five minutes ago i didn't even know the meaning to it, and i realized i was just singing to sing. i was just moving my lips because everyone else was and i didn't want to be seen not singing. My act of worshiping God was changed into an act of worshiping matt. I mean what happened? Why did my heart change? It is a strange feeling to be in Church, be a Christian, and know your heart isn't in it at the moment. But it is a terrific feeling when you realize that apart from God you are nothing. When you realize your earthly actions and put them down to truly connect with God. It is awesome.
Judgement and Self Righteousness are such a struggle for me sometimes. I allow my mind to get consumed with it at times. One thing builds on another that builds on another. it is hard man, hard. But you just have to realize that in your earthly body you will have earthly desires, and in those moments when you actually realize those desires do as CT said earlier-Turn your eyes upon Jesus. I mean just sit there and say forgive me and take this away from me. Because at those moments of subconscious sinning when you do it before you give it any thought..those are the times when you realize that Paul was right when he said for a Christian to die is gain. Because once i die my earthly body will be forever gone and i will be united in Heaven. and at that time i will never have any of these shameful and sinful moments.